


13 Reasons Why Pitch Meeting

by lemonchase



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Screen Rant Pitch Meetings (Web Series)
Genre: Bullying, Catchphrases, Criticism, Dark Humor, Depression, Gen, Humor, Pitch Meeting, Rape, School Shootings, Self-Harm, Slut Shaming, Stalking, Substance Abuse, Suicide, the following topics get mentioned:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27762892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonchase/pseuds/lemonchase
Summary: Have you ever wondered how the Pitch Meeting for 13 Reasons Why might have looked like? No? Well, here you have it, anyway!It's possible to understand this fic without knowing what "Screen Rant Pitch Meetings" are about.
Kudos: 6





	13 Reasons Why Pitch Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> This fic can be understood without ever having watched a single Screen Rant Pitch Meeting. It will be more enjoyable if you have, though, since this contains many inside jokes/catchphrases.
> 
> You should also know that this fic criticizes 13 reasons why, so if you don't like that, you should click away now.

"So, you have a TV series for me?"

_"Yes, sir, I do. It's called 13 reasons why."_

"Oh, that sounds like an interesting title. What's it gonna be about?"

_"It's gonna be about 13 reasons why this girl called Hannah Baker killed herself."_

"Oh my god!"

_"Yeah, I know it's a bit cheesy to use the number 13 in the title, but I really want people to know that this series deals with some bad things and for some reason, people don't seem to like the number 13."_

"Actually, that's not why I...never mind. So how old is this girl gonna be? In her twenties?"

_"Well, I want to get that teenager audience on board, so I need the girl to still be in high school. So she'll be around seventeen."_

"Seventeen?"

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah."_

"So this is gonna be a series about an underage girl killing herself? Are you sure that won't lead to some controversy if we don't handle the topic very carefully?"

_"It probably will, but I think that we can use that to our advantage!"_

"Oh, really?"

_"Yeah, you know how there is a saying that there is no bad publicity? So if we're gonna put a graphic rape scene in there, people will be so shocked about it that they start talking about it on Twitter. That will lead to even more people watching it. And I think we should also show Hannah slicing her wrist, just to be sure that we offend enough people!"_

"Um ... do you really think it's a good idea to show rape and suicide in a series that's aimed at teenagers? I mean, we don't want people to call us irresponsible, do we?"

_"Nah, it will be fine! If we get too much criticism, we can just put a trigger warning at the beginnings of the episodes."_

"And what are we supposed to do if people think that's not enough?"

_"I don't know!"_

"Fair enough! So are we gonna put the suicide and rape scenes in the first episode, or are we gonna hold off on that?"

_"We're gonna hold off on that! You see, I want every episode to be more shocking than the one before, so we can't start off with all the good stuff!"_

"Um, is it me, or did you just call rape and suicide _the good stuff_?"

_"Well, I mean, it's a story about a girl killing herself. Don't you think the audience expects that kind of stuff?"_

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean that you have to use the word _good_ to describe it."

_"Listen, I'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back."_

"Sure, let me get off of that thing! So if we won't put rape or suicide scenes into the pilot, how do you plan on drawing people in?"

_"I'm glad you asked! So, I want Hannah to already be dead at the beginning of the series so that people know that there is no possible way to prevent the tragedy from happening."_

"Wow. That's...dark."

_"It sure it. We want the series to be as dark and depressing as possible so that after you binge-watched all thirteen episodes in a single day, all you want to do is lie in your bed and cry."_

"Okay...? How about we get back to that pilot episode? You still haven't told me how you want to draw people in."

_"Right, right. Sorry. So before Hannah killed herself, she recorded these_ _cassette tapes_ _on which she tells us all about the thirteen reasons why she killed herself."_

"Cassette tapes? So in which decade does this series take place?"

_"Oh, the tapes are just there for nostalgia. All the kids will have smartphones and all."_

"Oh, relying on nostalgia is _tight_!"

_"It sure is."_

"And why did she record these tapes? Are they like a suicide note for her parents or something?"

_"No, not at all. They are for the people she feels are responsible for her death. She wants them to know how much she suffered because of them."_

"Okay? But...but why?"

_"Because she wants them to feel guilt, make them regret what they did."_

"Oh, so, it's like a form of revenge."

_"Basically, yeah."_

"So it was more important to her to make sure other people suffered because of her death than to explain to her parents why she did it?"

_"That's what we're going with."_

"Wow, that sounds like a character people are instantly gonna root for. Who doesn't like the good old revengeful teenage girl trope?"

_"Thanks! That's what I thought as well!"_

"Right. So, you said one of the reasons Hannah killed herself had something to do with rape. Are the other reasons gonna be equally disturbing?"

_"Depends on what you consider disturbing."_

"What do you mean?"

_"Well, if you always wanted to have a stalker, you won't see a problem with reason number four."_

"What? Do you really think some people want to have a stalker?"

_"I sure hope so!"_

"Um...why would you say that?"

_"Because otherwise, it might seem really unrealistic that Hannah's friend Courtney is super into it when Hannah confesses to her that she thinks she has a stalker."_

"Okay, and is that an essential part of the story?"

_"You don't like it? Do you think we should cut it out?"_

"Depends on what it leads to. How is Hannah gonna react to it? She's gonna be weirded out, right?"

_"A little bit. But then Hannah and Courtney decide to kiss, hoping to draw the stalker out that way."_

"Oh, so Courtney being into stalkers leads to a lesbian kiss?"

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah!"_

"Well, in that case, I think we can leave that in."

_"You sure?"_

"Yeah, girls making out is _tight_. Besides, it will make the series more diverse. Diversity is a huge selling point these days."

_"It sure is! That's why I also included a couple of male characters who are gay."_

"Amazing! People love gay characters. So, what else is the series gonna be about besides rape, stalking, and suicide?"

_"A whooole lot of teenage drama!"_

"Oh, yeah? You think people are gonna like that?"

_"People are gonna love that! Remember, our primary audience is gonna be teenagers."_

"I'm still not entirely sure that's a good idea, but keep going."

_"Oh, so you're worried that teenage drama won't be enough to keep people interested? Don't worry, I made sure to also include some juicy topics like substance abuse, bullying, slut-shaming, self-harm, depression, and an implied potential school shooting at the end of the series. Oh, and some Star Wars references, as well. People love Star Wars!"_

"I...um...I honestly don't know what to say."

_"You don't like it?"_

"Well... I'm just a bit worried that it's too much, you know what I mean? Isn't it gonna be hard to put all of that into thirteen episodes?"

_"Actually, it's going to be super easy, barely an inconvenience!"_

"Oh, really?"

_"Yeah, we're just gonna focus on one topic per episode, while the other topics take a backseat."_

"Well, okay then! So who's gonna be the main character? You haven't told me anything about them yet."

_"Right, so I think we should go with the quiet, socially awkward character to make it easy for the audience to connect to him. His name's gonna be Clay."_

"Oh, really? And you're sure you can make him really relatable?"

_"Of course! We're gonna follow him as he drags Courtney to Hannah's grave, for example, which leads to her having a mental breakdown. He's also gonna take a picture of this guy's naked ass and send it to all of his classmates. People are gonna love that!"_

"Um. Are you sure? To be honest, that sounds very problematic to me. Are you sure we're supposed to root for this guy?"

_"Trust me, the audience won't see a problem with that. Courtney was a bitch to Hannah, and the guy Clay takes a picture of was Hannah's stalker. People are gonna think it's justified."_

"Well, okay then. So is there anything else worth mentioning?"

_"No, I think that's it. I told you all the sensitive topics we want to cover, and the story around them is only secondary, really. Just make sure that you keep saying that we want to start a conversation with this series when you're advertising it."_

"Start a conversation? Why?"

_"Because then people can't say that we included all these sensitive topics only for shock value."_

"Oh, right. That makes sense."

_"So what do you think?"_

"Well, I certainly think it has some potential. I especially like the idea of using controversy to our advantage. Do you have enough ideas to write a second season if people seem to really like it?"

_"Um...not really. I mean, it's a pretty self-contained story."_

"Really? How about when I double your paycheck?"

_"Oh. Well, in that case, I'm sure I'll be able to find stuff to write about. But I don't think I'll be able to think of enough to fill more than a season."_

"So there's no way you'll write a third and fourth season?"

_"You got it!"_

"Well, okay then."

**Author's Note:**

> As you might have noticed, I'm not a native speaker. Feel free to correct mistakes of any kind in the comments.


End file.
